


unconditionally

by primasveraas



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, M/M, Pre-Canon, Young Poe Dameron, although thats not really a thing in the sw universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23311309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primasveraas/pseuds/primasveraas
Summary: Poe stares at his father, who is looking down at his plate of food. The question burns on Poe’s tongue, but a part of him has already accepted that he’s not going to ask tonight, and the fight leaves him."Dad, what would you do if I were gay?" He thinks, but he still can't ask.
Relationships: Kes Dameron & Poe Dameron, poe dameron and men
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	unconditionally

Poe stares at his father, who is looking down at his plate of food. The question burns on Poe’s tongue, but a part of him has already accepted that he’s not going to ask tonight, and the fight leaves him.

_Dad, what would you do if I were gay?_

It’s not unthinkable that Kes would be accepting. His father retired from the Rebellion, helped lead the galaxy to an era of change. He’s progressive as far as Poe knows, and yet.

And yet, you can never be too sure.

Poe swallows the question, and is uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the night.

***

Poe wonders what his mother would say. It’s impossible to truly know, given that they buried her years ago. Like with Kes, he can surmise that she would be supportive.

As with all the life-altering challenges that Poe has faced, he likes to imagine what Shara Bey would say to him. When he feels most alone, he pictures the beautiful curly-haired woman before him, cupping her teenage son’s cheek and embracing him with care.

“Oh, Poe,” she would say. “It’s alright. Of course I accept you. You’re my son, sweetheart. I’ll always love you.”

But it’s never that simple and perfectly smooth, and it never will be again. Poe can nearly feel his mom’s arms around him and all their warmth and comfort, but it’s his dad that’s left, and that’s who he has to tell.

***

Growing up on a farm on Yavin IV, Poe was presented with only rare opportunities to explore his sexuality. His school was relatively small, and being gay was a topic infrequently mentioned. However, when Poe finally started to read more holos and watch more shows as he grew up, the concept was broached more and more. He didn’t even fully understand what it was to be gay until Poe was old enough to feel emotionally and physically for other men.

Poe can’t help to wonder, as he remotely consumes stories of people who’ve known and shown their sexualities since they were small children, if it would have been easier to know from the beginning that he was gay. Certainly, he would have avoided all the confusion and doubt in figuring it out, in trying to find a label that fit, or attempting to understand why he didn’t have crushes the same way his classmates did.

That’s part of the punch, too. All his friends, and even his father, talk about women with the expectation that Poe will agree about how beautiful they are. It’s almost laughable how averse he is to the subject, and instead, Poe pines in secret after the boys in his year.

***

Poe’s hands are shaking as he eats, but he takes a steadying breath. Kes doesn’t notice, only shifting his attention from his meal when Poe clears his throat.

“Dad, I- I’ve been thinking, and it’s not that big of a deal-”

“Relax, son.” Kes interrupts, worry creasing his brow. He covers Poe’s hand with one of his bigger ones. “Take a deep breath.”

Complying, and now completely thrown off guard, Poe tries again. “I just wanted you to know,” Poe says, closing his eyes to focus on his words, “that I’m gay. I like men.”

He opens his eyes to see Kes looking at him, perfectly neutral. “It doesn’t change anything- and I’ve known for a while now- but it’s really important to me that you understand-”

“Poe,” Kes says, slow and deliberate as always. “It’s okay. I don’t have a problem with it.”

The younger Dameron exhales deeply in reply. As the air rushes out of him, Poe feels a colossal weight lifted off his shoulders, akin to the feeling of complete liberation he experiences when he flies.

It’s alright. It’s going to be okay.

Without realizing it, Poe is near tears, wetness creeping into his eyes. There isn’t anything he can get past the lump in his throat, but Kes stands and embraces his son. In his father’s arms, Poe sniffles and dries his eyes.

“Thank you,” he manages.

“There’s no need. I love you, Poe.”

***

“Did you think I wouldn’t accept you?”

It’s the next night when Kes asks his question, and Poe freezes. It’s not meant to be hostile, and Poe knows this, but it’s as abrupt as his coming out was yesterday, and it catches Poe off guard.

“I mean…” Poe swallows and tries to find the right words to explain the fears of a closeted gay son.

“No…” Poe decides. “I didn’t think so, I was just nervous.”

This answer suffices. “You can always talk to me,” Kes reminds him gently.

Poe reassures him that he indeed knows this, especially now, and relaxes. While his father isn’t quite done, Poe is more prepared now, and he successfully navigates Kes’ questions about when Poe realized he was gay and why he wanted to come out.

He can handle explaining this, so long as he has his father’s support.

***

“Dad? Do you think… do you think that mom would have been okay with it too?”

Kes smiles at Poe, who realizes that is enough of an answer in itself.

“Yes. She would have.”

**Author's Note:**

> Although this is more or less my own coming out story reframed, I felt that it would fit in well with Poe as well- his parents are rational and loving, which, in this context, makes us both very lucky. As unfortunately prevalent as negative experiences are, I think it’s also important to have a mostly happy coming out story too. But even so, there are fears and doubts that come with it, the kind that requires guidance in unknown places- like from people made unreachable by time or distance. That perspective is important too- and I hope I did some justice in trying to bring it to life.
> 
> I also didn’t characterize Poe like I normally would, for 3 main reasons- 1) He’s dealing with his father; Family is tough, even when you love them. Poe would probably be less charming, confident, and charismatic around his dad. No need for such suave social skills with Kes. 2) He’s coming out; Even when you’re expecting a positive outcome, coming out to someone does a number on your nerves. As unusual as it was to have Poe hesitate and freeze, this kind of thing happens. Coming out is a big deal. 3) Poe is just a teenager; Mid to early teens is not a time in one’s life where they are bursting with confidence. This is before the Resistance, before the Naval Academy, and before the war. A lot changes between when the fic is set and when we see Poe in the movies  
> I get really nervous about my characterization, as one does, but I still wanted to be meaningful in deviating from the Poe we all know and love, but I hope it was both enjoyable and justified.


End file.
